Flip-Flopping Emotions and God

Human emotions are beautiful, annoying little things. As an artist (a writer, photographer, former dancer and choreographer, reasonable singer, and mediocre guitarist and songwriter), I love my emotions and I love having them.

Emotions make great art.

When I was going through a really difficult situation a few years ago, I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications. They had an emotion-numbing effect. I absolutely hated feeling this way. Flat. No feeling. No emotion whatsoever.

Just…numb.

I would rather feel dark emotions than no emotions at all.

In my relationship with God, sometimes my emotions are wonderful assets (when my heart feels so tender and loving toward Him, when I just want to hold Him in my arms and spend every waking moment at His feet) and sometimes they’re real nuisances (when my emotions grow dark and I feel anger toward Him or frustration with Him).

I hate when my emotions flip flop toward God or, worse yet, when my heart grows numb toward Him.

I love Him…I love Him not…I love Him, I love Him, I love Him…I love Him not…I love Him.

girl and hearts

More than anything, I want to remain stable. I want my heart to remain stable toward Him. He deserves that. I want to be like Job, like Joseph.

Our relationship with the Lord is based on faith—not emotions—and yet, emotions play a big part in our relationship with Him; emotions are all over the Psalms!

So, when our emotions go crazy, what do we do? Keep holding on? Remain at His feet? Rely on faith?

This was kind of a strange week for me. Things just have not been the same on my job since that religious run in with my coworker. Since then, I have been wanting to escape, wanting to run away, wanting to go work as a shepherdess somewhere, feeling ever so slightly annoyed with God for not simply swooping down and rescuing me, getting angry with myself for feeling this way, for being ungrateful and unappreciative of what I do have and for all that He has already done for me.

My emotions are going a little crazy, again!

When I scoured the Bible for answers on how to deal with anger with God, I do not think I found a whole lot because I do not think it existed among those people, in that culture. I think anger with God is a Western concept, this idea that God owes us a perfect life and an explanation when things go wrong. People in biblical times understood that God was God and that He did not owe them an explanation for anything. They also understood and trusted in the character of God, on His love, goodness, and justice. Anger with God is the result of not understanding, believing in, or trusting God’s character, love, and goodness.

I guess until my fickle emotions swing back in the right direction, I will remain in the Word, keep praying, keep hoping in Him.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. (1 Pet. 5:10)

The Lord is my rock. (2 Sam. 22:2, Ps. 18:2)

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